Let's talk about comparisons

In this episode of Emotionally Invested, I look at why we compare ourselves to other people, what it does to us psychologically and financially, and what actually helps us stop. I also put real numbers on where UK incomes sit nationally and globally, because the data often tells a very different story from how we feel.

What we cover

• Where the comparing instinct comes from, including Leon Festinger’s Social Comparison Theory and the difference between upward and downward comparison
• Why a brain built for a village of 150 people struggles with a world of curated highlight reels
• What comparison does to us: it moves the goalposts on “enough”, distorts our decisions, speeds up hedonic adaptation, and is linked to anxiety, low mood, damaged relationships and chronic stress
• How lifestyle creep and comparison feed each other, so the goalposts move every time we gain ground
• Where £30,000, £50,000, £75,000, £100,000 and £150,000+ sit in the UK income distribution, and where they sit globally
• Some practical tools to loosen comparison’s grip, from naming the comparison as it happens to having honest conversations about money with people you trust

Key takeaways

• Comparison is a normal human instinct, not a character flaw, but it is badly suited to the modern world
• “Enough” defined by other people is a race you can’t win
• Our felt sense of where we stand is usually shaped by a handful of people, not by the national or global picture
• Building your definition of enough from your own values gives comparison much less to grab onto

Ideas and people mentioned

• Leon Festinger, Social Comparison Theory
• Morgan Housel, on the idea of “enough”
• George Kinder’s Three Questions
• Robert Emmons, research on gratitude
• Hedonic adaptation and lifestyle creep
• Matthew McConaughey's Oscar acceptance speech: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTTUprhn_1Q

A note on the data

UK figures are individual gross income before tax, based on HMRC taxpayer income data (2023/24). Global comparisons draw on World Bank income distribution data and are rougher estimates, as different sources adjust for cost of living differently.